Friday, October 18, 2019

IT HAS BEEN YEARS AND I KNOW THAT NO ONE READS THIS STUFF BECAUSE NOW THERE IS FACEBOOK/TWITTER/INSTAGRAM.
 Good. I just need to put this thought somewhere that it could maybe be found, not shove it in the face of my friends, all of a sudden and out of the blue. As you get older, these thoughts and memories show up all of a sudden and out of the blue.
Sometimes I think about if I could go back and change one thing what would it be.
I know what killed my first marriage. Of all the obvious things that I can point to there is one time, one event, one action that started the ball rolling. If we all had cell phones back then, it would never have happened. I do not know how I could have stopped this. But if I had, I think my life would have been very different.

My first wife and I did not have any children yet. I worked at RCA and she had gone back to university for her PHD in EE and was starting a teaching job at a local college. I occasionally had to travel to Marion Indiana to support some instrumentation in the factory. She was preparing for the qualifying exams. I was on a trip and having problems and was going to stay an extra day and miss my flight. She had just accepted a teaching job and it was her first day of working there.

I started calling early in the morning. I left a message on the answering machine at home but that was not heard. I called the number she gave me for her new job. The secretary that picked up said she had seen Mary and would pass on the message. That message was never passed on. I called her mother at work but she also was not able to contact Mary that day. Mary sat at the airport for hours waiting for me and finally went in to find out that I was not on my flight.  She was upset. She worried allot in those days. We finally talked late that night when she got home. She had her first qualifier the next day and was unfocused and tired.

She did not continue with her PHD, although she eventually became department chairperson at that college where she started teaching. I left RCA about a year later.  For my remaining trips I took a shuttle home instead of being picked up by my hot young tanned wife dressed in a short white dress in her black Firebird.

We soon had children. She took a slower route to prestige. I am not sure if our lives would have better or worse but I definitely feel like I let her down when she needed me and I messed up her plans.

Friday, June 01, 2012

A memory

I do not think anyone that would remember this is still alive except maybe Beverly or Skippy and I have no idea where they are. So that this moment will not disappear yet, I will document it here. When I was very young, I do not remember how young but I know I was not in school yet, my Aunt Susan Brown was dying of cancer. This would have been early 1960's. She had 2 children Skippy and his younger sister Beverly. Beverly had some sort of developmental problem. My mother, my Aunt Susan and another one of my father's sisters were in a car with Beverly and I. I think we were bringing them to a train station. There may have been others but I do not remember. There were amusement rides and my Aunt Susan begged them to stop and let her take Beverly on a ride (maybe a roller coaster.) I think she did take Beverly on a ride. Even being so young and now more than 50 years later I can still picture my Aunt and hear the desperation in her voice to do something with her daughter that she would never be able to do again because Susan was going to die soon and her daughter was going to be institutionalized.  - This story was never told or talked about. This is one of those moments in life that just gets burned into your memory. I do not know what I was supposed to do with this memory.  Anyone who might be interested is no longer on speaking terms with me.

Dan Graduated from College

I will post pictures soon.
I am not going to describe Dan.
I will post something about him that I do not think anyone realizes.
Even though I believe that I have not been as good a father as I could have been, Dan makes me feel like I have been a great father.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Happy Birthday MOM

I sat on the swing yesterday remembering picking you butter cups.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Teresa - my friend -my ally - my love

We had our 5 year anniversary on August 14.

She is very strong and she has been there for me when I need her.

She is my density!

I am looking forward to PR.